Preparation

An Italian nonna is weeping somewhere. A Turkish grandmother is shaking her head. But you? You're living your best life with what the student budget provides.

The Audacious Process

1. Break graham crackers into pieces small enough to fit in your mug. Dip each piece quickly in the coffee (1 second max—soggy graham crackers are a war crime).
2. Layer coffee-soaked crackers at the bottom of your mug.
3. In a small bowl (or another mug), mix cream cheese and powdered sugar with a fork until smooth. Fold in the whipped cream and vanilla until you have a fluffy cloud of dairy.
4. Spread half the cream mixture over the graham cracker layer. Add another layer of coffee-dipped crackers. Top with remaining cream.
5. Dust generously with cocoa powder using a small sieve, or just tap it through a fork like a caffeinated Michelangelo.
6. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. Set a phone timer or you'll forget and eat it immediately (we've all been there).

The Coffee Situation: Make it STRONG. Dissolve 1 tablespoon instant coffee in 2 tablespoons hot water. Add a pinch of sugar if you're not a purist.

When you finally dig in, you'll get creamy, coffee-soaked layers that taste like you tried much harder than you did. The graham crackers soften into something almost ladyfinger-adjacent, the cream is rich and sweet, and the cocoa adds bitter sophistication.

"Is this tiramisu?" Only if no one's watching.